The feeling of things arising in Awareness grew stronger, at one point it felt like Oshana and everyone else in the room were extensions of this awareness. I could almost flip and see out of Oshana's eyes but I didn't.

Home
Oshana
Testimonials
Answers
Oshana
Enlightenment Now
Articles
FAQ
Resources
Contact

Reports

 

Intoxicated!

21st July 2002 - Westminster, London

Experiential Report

The feeling of things arising in Awareness grew stronger, at one point it felt like Oshana and everyone else in the room were extensions of this awareness. I could almost flip and see out of Oshana's eyes but I didn't.

Where to begin?

The ground of Being from which All this Sprouts - That is What I AM.
Awareness at Rest, Pure, Undefiled,
This that arises is but Consciousness made Manifest
You, Me, It, That, Bubbles on the surface of an Ocean.
Screen, Show, Stage, Actors, All part of That,
Deep, Impenetrable, Silent, Unmoving, Not This, No, nor That Am I.
Me? Inconsequential! Whisper of mechanical mind, automaton,
wispy cloud on vault of eternal sky.
Speak then of what you are! Meaningless murmurs from lips of
man/mind machine - STOP! Continue! It does not Matter!

I hate poetry, I flunked my O' Level Literature big time, but this just came out as I was thinking about what to write.

Before the Session

Even before today's meeting your silent influence had catalysed my unwilling mind. I usually try and prepare myself before meeting with you, sort of get into the right meditative 'mood' ready for a meeting with the infinite.

So, as I set off on the tube on my way to the meeting, intuition, realisation kicked in, I began to see that 'I' was manifest in an unmoving field of awareness. This awareness encompassed everything around me, indeed it felt like all was within the awareness.

My thoughts, feelings and sense of individuality were all equally seen to arise in this awareness. The thought occurred that just as I am unattached normally to the extremities of my body (hands, limbs, feet, etc.) but I still call them 'me' just so all the people and things around me were equally 'unattached' to me but were similarly contained within 'me' just as my limbs are 'me'.

This feeling grew stronger and as I emerged from the station on my way to the flat, I began to look about with 'new' eyes. I started walking very, very slowly, I don't know why....As I walked I became aware that I felt like an alien visiting a strange and distant planet. I felt like I was invisible but that the people were all contained within me. It felt like the scene in The Matrix when Neo is in the busy city street being introduced to the illusion of life in the Matrix.

During the Session

So as the meeting began, I was feeling very still - The normal energy surges that I've come to expect from Oshana weren't as intense today, more subtle, I felt very relaxed and not particularly wanting to speak.

Oshana asked us to define what it means for us to be unenlightened, I replied something about being a separate individual subject to personal dramas and victim to conflicting emotions. All the while I was trying to remain conscious of the awareness....

I'm afraid I don't remember much of the words that were said during the meeting, I was intent on the energy, I was conscious that my stillness was drawing something from Oshana, it felt like he was pushing me inward whilst something inside was pulling me inward.

The feeling of things arising in Awareness grew stronger, at one point it felt like Oshana and everyone else in the room were extensions of this awareness. I could almost flip and see out of Oshana's eyes but I didn't.

It felt like my individual self and all it's attendant thoughts and emotions was an overlay, a thin film over That which Is - I think Oshana mentioned the sense of individuality being like a program on the Operating System of Self in a previous session.

Throughout the session I could feel Oshana knew something was happening, at one point it even felt like M.... could too? Maybe my imagination.

Whilst in this state of awareness, I didn't care about what was going on. Oshana talked about not caring and I actually felt that way. Over the past few weeks I had actually gotten quite attached to Oshana as Guru, wanting to spend more time with him, hoping for approval and attention. But the Awareness could clearly see that Oshana arises out of IT and therefore it's okay if he doesn't pay any attention to me since he is this also. It actually doesn't matter! Enlightenment Who Cares (an Advaita book title I think!) but that's exactly how I felt....

On giving a brief description of my experience to Oshana in the meeting, he asked 'So you're enlightened then?' or something like that. Well it doesn't feel that way, it just feels like there's this all encompassing Awareness that contains everything in it, all the personal me dramas and the characters and things that I see around me. Exactly as if I had constructed a dream and as the dreamer I do not know from one moment to the next what is going to happen next but I'm aware of being the dreamer.

At the end of the meeting, I was feeling quite emotional, a knot of grief like feelings was lodged in the pit of my stomach and was threatening to break free - I was still aware of awareness, so the knot of emotion arose out of this awareness, etc. I was also feeling quite exhausted, like my body had been through a major ordeal.

It felt like I was being re-wired, the thought of Neo going through re-hab as his body was slowly re-conditioned to live in the real world after spending a lifetime in an incubation cell......

I asked Oshana what to do about the energy effects and he reminded me of the 'tree taking root' exercise that he had described in the session - Whilst in a standing position, arms down at the sides, to imagine the feet growing downwards, taking root in the ground. Imagine also the fingers, stretching and going down into the earth also taking root. Leaving the spine erect...

After the Session

So now what? The Journey home was equally surreal. I walked down the street to the underground station, looking out from my seemingly new vantage point. I felt almost intoxicated, this from someone who has never touched a drop of alcohol in his life! But that's what it felt like, I was almost giddy at one point, half chuckling to myself, I must have looked a right Prat as I tottered around the Houses of Parliament, I could've been arrested! But Who Cares?!

Open and clear, noticing things arising in This, the people around me, the buildings, trees, cars, the aeroplane in the sky - All arising in This - I remember thinking if I was to be killed right now, it wouldn't matter, yes fear might arise as the knife plunges in but as the body drops to the ground I/This would still remain.

My steps slowed down further, a passer by asks if I'm Okay! I mumble something reassuringly and continue my homeward journey....

I Thank you most sincerely! I still don't feel that this process is over, sitting here typing this out I can feel you as if you really are a midwife helping through the birthing pains - Maybe I've just had a Contraction?! Or maybe the Waters have just broken or maybe it's a false alarm? I don't know and truly at this moment I don't care!

I fear that this may end and I will wake up tomorrow back to being my same old little self....

All my devoted Love to you

J..

PS the world feels like a gigantic 3D arcade game - Sim City, a myriad, myriad life forms all for God's entertainment.